Come undone. Words that keep echoing in my mind from a tender and merciful God. Yet, the inner woman stands and says, “I cannot. I do not even know how.” I am not sure I can equate emotions to how coming undone makes me feel. Out of control is the best description. Born and raised by great parents, I learned the importance of goals and how to take steps to achieve those goals. There was always a plan and purpose to what I was doing. I was in control. Matter of fact, I am in control of alot of things to this day. I control our household schedule, what my children are wearing to school, what we are eating for dinner, etc. In most aspects of my life, not sure about yours, I am in control.
But God says, “No, Michelle. I am in control.” There are some things I do not understand. I do not know why a two year old is diagnosed with cancer. I do not understand why cancer even exists. I do not understand why Jesus following teenagers are killed in car accidents. I cannot wrap my mind around a baby dying in the womb never to have breathed one breath. I do not understand why bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. When we really start to look at life outside of our box and the day to day activities, we are totally out of control. Is that why I feel so “unraveled?”
I can say with my head that I know that God is in control and I believe it to the inner core of who I am. Yet, I struggle at times with syncing the two: head and heart. Lately, I have just heard these words being softly spoken to my heart by the Holy Spirit, “When unraveling be sure to remember the Master Weaver is collecting the thread and preparing to reweave.”
My flesh cries out, “No, don’t unravel me. It is not fun. It is uncomfortable. I feel exposed.”
Then it clicks. That is the truth. When I come undone as the thread unravels, I am completely exposed. There is no covering or shield that protects what lies beneath. In reality, if we were caught naked (physically) by someone, we would quickly cover ourselves or remove ourselves from exposure. We do not like people to see things that are normally covered up. I mean stretch marks, cellulite, muffin tops…. they are not attractive and it is something that we do not put on public display. Exposure causes our flaws to be seen and for an insecure person, like myself, that causes bells and whistles to sound and sirens to flood my heart to throw up every guard for defense.
Why? Exposure risks rejection.
There I said it.
Adam and Eve did not like exposure. Matter of fact, when they sinned they went and covered themselves up! “He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” Genesis 3:10
To which God replied, ““Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” Genesis 3:11
When Adam was exposed, his sin was made known. He did not like being exposed, so he hid from the truth. He did not want God to reject him because of what his nakedness exposed, sin. Exposure from being unraveled puts me in the spotlight, because nothing is hidden. What do we do then with exposure, our nakedness, revealed from God unraveling us?
We must keep the end result in mind. We want to be more like Jesus. Because we are sinful by nature, there are parts of us that need unraveled, so that God can reweave them. When something becomes unraveled or if you ever had a thread come loose on a button, hem of a pant or dress, you are careful with the garment until you can have it tailored. If it came unraveled, the garment would look tattered. Sometimes, that happens to us. God sees the loose string and allows circumstances to come into our lives that seem to “unravel” the string more causing us to feel “tattered.” We have to remember though, that God’s plan is bigger than we can imagine and that as we unravel and are exposed, he says, “Now we are ready, let us weave this back together.”
So as I struggle through the thoughts of exposure, the uneasiness of what may be hidden, I take hold of these words God spoke to my heart, “May we keep our minds focused on end results (big picture) not the mess of the process it takes to get there.” When unraveled, things appear not so neat, thread hangs, hems come undone and the frailty of items are exposed. When renovations begin on a house, the mess is horrific, the dust flies, the walls are exposed down to 2 x 4’s. If we focused on the mess of the renovation or the pile of thread or yarn from the unraveled blanket, we would forget that there is an end result coming! Renovations bring a beautiful kitchen or even a bath. A sewing machine completes a dress or pant hem that can be made new and worn again.
God does not allow things to come to pass for our destruction. He allows things to happen so that they become part of our woven story in this life that leads us to be more like him.
“…Know this with all your heart, with everything in you, that not one detail has failed of all the good things God, your God, promised you. It has all happened. Nothing’s left undone (UNRAVELED)—not so much as a word.” Joshua 23:14 (The Message)